


Ghost of You

by kokokoriii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Based on a song, Ghost of You by 5sos, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Short One Shot, Suicide Attempt, everything i write is sad, suicide warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26279617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokokoriii/pseuds/kokokoriii
Summary: Oikawa commits sucide and Iwaizumi has to cope with his soulmate leaving him.[Warning: Mentions and Descriptions of Suicide]
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	Ghost of You

Iwaizumi noticed Oikawa was sad months prior to his death. 

He did everything he could, when he could, to cheer Oikawa up. He would bring him milk bread everyday in the morning and walk him home from practice. He was constantly asking if Oikawa okay to the point where the boy found himself assuring his boyfriend that he was fine and didn't need the repetitive check-ins. 

The problem Iwaizumi was faced with was that he didn't know the root of Oikawa's problems. He was doing good in school and they had even won nationals for volleyball. He even went behind Oikawa's back and asked his family if something was going on but they had the same hopeless answers. Iwaizumi eventually came to the conclusion that Oikawa was just sad. 

The week Oikawa died, Iwaizumi slept over. He woke up at 3 in the morning to Oikawa throwing his sneakers and knee pads into a plastic bag. Iwaizumi propped himself up on his elbows, groggily making out Oikawa's frame in the dim light. 

"Are you going out at this hour?" Iwaizumi yawns, catching Oikawa's attention.

He shook his head, "No, I was just thinking about passing them down to a first year. I'm not going to play volleyball in college." 

Iwaizumi frowned to himself. Volleyball was Oikawa's life and he had expressed he wanted to play professional since they were in middle school. What could have possessed Oikawa to give up his dream? Iwaizumi could see the shimmers of tear streaks on Oikawa's cheeks through the moonlight. 

"Come back to bed," He said softly and Oikawa did. Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around Oikawa's middle and laid his head against his chest, listening to the gentle thumping of his heartbeat. If only Iwaizumi knew that would be the last time he heard it. 

On Thursday, Oikawa called Iwaizumi and told him not to wait for him the morning. He had come up with a stomach bug and wouldn't be going to school that day. 

"Are you really sick?" Iwaizumi questioned, knowing Oikawa liked to play hooky occasionally. 

"I just need a break," Oikawa admitted, "I can't even focus on brushing my teeth, how am I going to do math equations?" 

Iwaizumi sighed, "Okay, rest up. I love you."

"I love you too." 

Iwaizumi walked to school alone and ate the last milk bread he would ever buy. 

When he was sure Iwaizumi was at school and his mother was at work, Oikawa got dressed in his favorite sweater and a pair of jeans. He brushed his hair and put on his grandfather's old chain. He rummaged through his desk drawer until he found a folded piece of paper and delicately placed it on his desk. 

Oikawa hanged himself at 10:32 in the morning and was found by his mother at 4:58 in the evening. She found his suicide note first, thinking it was homework, and her heart dropped through her stomach when she realized what it was. She stared ahead at the walk-in closet, already knowing what laid behind the closed door, and felt her world, her universe, crashing down around her. 

Iwaizumi texted Oikawa throughout the day but didn't receive anything back, which was unusual. Even when Oikawa wasn't feeling the best, he still made an effort to text his boyfriend back. After volleyball practice Iwaizumi headed towards Oikawa's house in hopes that they could snuggle and Oikawa would vent to Iwaizumi about his worries. He never in a million years would have expected to see so many flashing lights surrounding the street. 

He bolted towards the house, ignoring the police officers that tried to stop him, and crashed through the front door. "Tooru!" He called, stumbling up the stairs. He could hear his pulse through his eardrums and pushed past medical examiners. 

"Hajime-"

Oikawa's mother stood over a lumpy white sheet in the middle of Oikawa's bedroom. His worst fear had come true and here he was, face to face with the nightmare. He didn't need to hear the medical examiners or the police officers or even Oikawa's own mother to know that Oikawa was dead. 

A soul-crushing pain erupted through his body with such force that all he could do was stand there and scream and sob and curse the world for taking away the love of his life. A police officer has to step in and bring Iwaizumi outside, away from Oikawa, before he passed out. He didn't even get to say goodbye. 

The worst part of it was the days following. Oikawa's mother and Iwaizumi spent hours calling family members and friends and notifying them of the funeral service. Iwaizumi felt like he was reliving it over and over again, breaking down after each phone call. 

The funeral was the following Monday. 

Oikawa's mother debated a closed service for intimate family and a bigger ceremony where anyone could show up and ultimately she decided on the latter. It would be a celebration of life, she said, because Oikawa touched too many lives to just bury him. Hundreds of people showed up from Oikawa's family to Iwaizumi's family to every volleyball team in the Miyagi Prefecture. Even the woman who baked his favorite milk bread came to say goodbye. He had to hold Oikawa's mother in his arms while she filled the silence with heart wrenching wails. 

After sending balloons into the sky, most of the crowd departed. Oikawa's mother kissed a teddybear and placed it on his grave before leaving herself. Iwaizumi found himself sitting in front of the grave, Bokuto and Kuroo on either side of him. 

"I can't go home," Iwaizumi spoke, his voice broken, "Not when everything reminds me of him." 

"Come stay with me until you're ready," Kuroo offered. He lived the furthest away from this haunting town and knew that while nothing in the world could help Iwaizumi get over what happened, maybe he could help him cope. 

Iwaizumi wiped at his eyes angrily, "How could I have been so fucking stupid? If I had just skipped school too then this wouldn't have happened." 

"Don't blame yourself," Bokuto tried, his own voice breaking into pieces. Oikawa was a part of his life, too, and he was gone. They spent another hour at Oikawa's grave before finally leaving the cemetery, "I'll help you pack." 

Iwaizumi felt numb when his friends walked him into his house. His packing was erratic and he was shoving clothes into a bag. He felt numb. He couldn't breathe and his head was spinning and all he wanted was to feel something again. He couldn't even open his closet without imagining Oikawa's lifeless body hanging from the top. When Oikawa found a pair of alien-printed pajama pants that belonged to Oikawa, he sunk to his knees and sobbed into the carpet. 

He lived out of his backpack for weeks. He couldn't even step in his hometown without feeling an overwhelming amount of pain. But one day, Iwaizumi realized that he couldn't avoid the streets he grew up on forever. He needed to finish school and even if he wanted to move far away from his childhood house, he would still need to gather his things up. 

Iwaizumi told Oikawa's mother that he was back in town and she asked him to come over. She was facing a similar dilemma when it came to Oikawa's bedroom and thought Iwaizumi would have an easier time packing it up than she would. 

Oikawa's mother stayed in the garden outside, tending to her roses she planted for her son, while Iwaizumi shifted around the bedroom. It was idle and obvious Oikawa's mother hadn't touched it since that day. 

His bed was neatly made and polaroid pictures scattered across his wall. He found his volleyball uniform folded nicely on top of his dresser and the blue lava lamp Iwaizumi got him in eighth grade was unplugged. He wanted his Oikawa back. He would give anything to get him back.

Part of Iwaizumi wanted to destroy the bedroom. He wanted to rip the posts off the wall and shatter his laptop. This room didn't deserve to stand so proudly when Oikawa was gone. The only thing stopping him from turning violent was a photo of him and Oikawa framed on his bedside table. His boy looked so happy, so innocent and so pure. He wanted to remember that Oikawa, not the demon that took him away. 

He found the plastic bag filled with Oikawa's old volleyball gear sitting in the corner and he picked it up hesitantly. Things were supposed to get easier over time, at least that's what everyone told him. But every minute Iwaizumi stayed in that bedroom, the more heavy he felt. How could Oikawa leave him? They were supposed to marry each other and grow old together. Their kids were going to play volleyball like they did and they would vacation all over the world. Oikawa was his best friend, his soulmate, and all he had left was the ghost of him. 

Iwaizumi would help Oikawa's mom pack up his bedroom one day, just not today. 

"And I chase it down   
With a shot of truth  
That my feet don't dance   
Like they did with you"

**Author's Note:**

> United States Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255


End file.
